I cannot believe im writing that ab ashley. I cant believe im talking in past tense. I cannot sleep. I have soooo many regrets. Ashley lived such a tough hard life. She got in lots of trouble as a kid and i always tried to protect her. She got misunderstood in her anger. Then she dated sooo many guys who broke her heart but she never shared it w anyone. She went thru alot w my mom. They wouldnt trust her tho i think this year she got more of a break. I hope she was happy.
My regrets overwhelm me!! I cant think but of how hard i was on her and the little spats we got into bc i was upset she didnt help out in the house w dishes, or helping mommy.
We lived distant while in the same household. We could do all the laughing together, which wasnt a problem, but we, or I, was never
totally open and honest about my struggles w her to somehow rescue her fr the pits of sin and sex and boys and/or girls.
She lived a life of secrecy. No one really knew how she lived. Maybe her best friends did. Idk but we, her family, didnt.
She is dead, they say. I cannot believe it but now im starting to bc she isnt here. All in my head, is no, as the officers spoke to me, no shes suppose to be home, no shes coming home. Shes coming home.noooo not ashley. Not ashley. Not ashley why ashley, GOD! !!
I hate the roads now. I hate the name of the road she got killed on. I cant believe sweet ashley is gone. I always admired her diligence in going out to work. Just the other day, maybe even last night i was thinking how i gotta give ashley something big when i start working bc she never put me down bc i wasnt working.never!!!; :(((((( never!!! All year she would mention jobs to me in a nice way. Like Yesterday she asked me how the job interview went, which i was shocked by, and i barely answered her, maybe bc i was mad that she got the job i wanted. I hate the bitterness that i had towards her. On Monday i walked the dogs w so much anger, bitterness and unfairness bubbling out of my heart and mouth against her and other things . W her, I was soooo angry that she would get away w things yet everyone else was soo hard on me. I was soooooo pissed!! So furious but was so silent with it. No one knew!! they didnt know, and my body language was a lil standoffish and not as loving as it use to be. Im sorry Ashley for arguing w u about the dumplings, im sorry i didnt make ur bday cake bc i was worrying about stupid money!! Oh lorddd im sooo sorry. 😦 i was so bitter inside to her. I felt like she got all the good treatments and would get away and sneak away and do whatever she wanted. I called her “getaway” in my bitter heart! Bc she got away w staying out late, not paying rent at times, going out to friends sleepovers, trips to out of town, having friends over, etc.. i am sooo sorry for my bitterness towards you my Ashley. I am sooo sorry my Lord!! Im so sorry for being sooo selfish that i missed seeing my sister. Oh God FORGIVE MY bitterness and holding offense in my heart!! Please take it out and help me to let it go for others. Help me to somehow forgive myself for being sooooo hard on Ashley. Im so sorry my sweet Ashley!!! I will learn fr you to be patient and loving w ppl. To not hold offense and have bitterness in my heart!
Fighting for... 